If this is your first Valentine’s Day as a couple, February 14th is a day you’re looking forward to. Showing your Valentine that you care about them and are grateful they’re in your life is easy because you’ve been doing this since you first met. Your biggest dilemma? Deciding which outfit to wear, making reservations at a romantic spot, and finding the perfect card and gift.

But for some couples who have done this before, Valentine’s Day has turned into a burden and inconvenience. You feel put out that you have to remember to do something and wait until the last moment. On your way home from your busy day, you stop at a store that’s en route, shuffle through the picked-over cards, and hope the flowers last through the night.

Let’s face it. One big overture to show that you love someone is a lot of pressure.

Instead of having one day to show your love in a big way what can you do the other 364 days? Here are many simple ways to show someone you care about and love on a daily basis.

Acts of Thoughtfulness - Help each other with chores, buy something that reminds you of them, or take care of something on their To Do list. A quick call or text: “Thinking of you”; “You’re the best!” takes little time or effort.

Play Together - Tease, flirt, goof around, and dance together. Everyone loves the excitement of competition. Take up a sport, play a board or video game, or enter a contest against each other.

Say “I’m sorry” Like You Mean It - Some couples reach a standoff when it comes to saying, “I’m sorry.” Others say it just to break the uncomfortable silence. Don’t get hung up on hearing the words. If you know you were out of line, show you’re sorry by making a conscious effort not to do it again.
Even if you don’t agree with their reaction to something you did, at least acknowledge that you are sorry what you did or said hurt them. And you know when you did something intentionally—fess up and admit it.

Spend at Least 10 Minutes Just With Each Other - Take a walk around the block, have a cup of coffee before starting your day or after dinner. No kids, phones, texting. Keep the conversation light.

Play Fair - How many times have you seen or heard couples talking to and treating each other in impolite, harsh ways? Sometimes we take our partners for granted and unintentionally and intentionally display rudeness. The public really has no interest in seeing your dirty laundry. Inwardly, you know what it means to be fair. When you act with integrity and honesty, you will automatically do the right thing for you, your partner and your relationship.

Be Affectionate - This doesn’t have to be a public display that will have passers-by suggest; “Get a room.” Hold their hand when walking through a parking lot, touch their shoulder when you ask for something, snuggle up when watching TV, sit close to each other when talking, give a hug just because...
Enjoy Nature - Take a walk in a park, stargaze, or sit on the porch during a rainstorm. Want to add a little romance? Watch a sunset at the beach—feel the waves and each other’s presence.

Speak Kindly About Your Partner - If something’s bothering you about your partner tell them, not your friends, co-workers, or family. Avoid joining in on men and women bashing sessions. Instead tell them why you adore your partner.

Make Your Partner # 1 - Make it clear to your family and friends that your partner is the most important person in your life. Don’t make plans for them—they’re your equal partner, not your child. If you are lucky enough to have that special person in your life, cherish them above everything else.

Treat Each Other With Love and Respect - Be mindful of your partner. Don’t threaten, holler at, or disregard their disappointments or interests just because they’re not important to you.

Let Go of Blame, Criticism, and Judgment - Listen and speak to each other with openness, and honesty. Communicate how you are feeling and thinking by using “I” instead of “you.” This way, your partner will hear what you’re saying without feeling defensive. This not only builds trust, it also creates greater intimacy between you.
Add Spice - If you want to spark things up in the bedroom, stop keeping score. Instead of competing for who’s more romantic, do some gesture without expecting something in return. New relationships thrive on the chemistry that occurs in the early months and a couple of years with a new partner. This eventually fades into a different type of attraction because “older” love releases chemicals of bonding. After that, you need to find ways to keep things exciting because it’s not just going to happen.

If the above suggestions don’t rekindle your relationship it may be because the flue is filled with too much soot. If that’s the case, perhaps the best gift to give each other is the acknowledgment that your relationship is in trouble. Show that you care enough to do something about it. A professional “chimney sweeper” like a therapist can help couples turn next Valentine’s Day into a good dilemma!

Dr. Amy Demner has more than 20 years of experience as a psychotherapist and board certified clinical sexologist. She works with individuals, couples, and families needing support in child/teen problems, parenting, intimacy, stress, anger management, grief, divorce adjustment, anxiety, and depression. Her practice is located at 5461 University Dr., Suite 104, Coral Springs. 954.346.7066. You can visit her website at www.DrAmy.com.