No Speakah De English

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come-a first.

Den I come-a.

Den two asses come-a together.

I come-a once-a-more!

Two asses, they come-a together again.

I come-a again and pee twice.

Then I come-a one lasta time.

The lady can’t take this anymore, “You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig!” She retorted indignantly. “In this country, we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man, “Whooza talkin’ about sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”

 

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Traveling Light

Two blondes were on a long flight. At one point the captain announces: “Please don’t panic anyone. We just lost one engine but we have three others so we should get there about half an hour later. It won’t cause any trouble.”

After a while the captain announces: “We have lost a second engine, it may take an hour more but we’ll get there. We aren’t in any kind of danger.”

One of the blondes starts getting all agitated and anguished. “Oh my,” she says, “I hope they won’t lose the remaining engines, we’ll be up here all day!”

 

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Blind Date

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter. When the girl got back from the date she said, “That was the worst night of my life!”

“Why is that?” her mom asked. “He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“He’s the original owner, mom!”

 

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